Happy Birthday Jude

Happy Birthday Jude

06 May 2013

My baby

You should be making us laugh with stringing words together
You should be sleeping in a proper bed
You should be making friends at play group
You should have lost your baby-ness

I should be planning a party
I should be thinking about cakes and presents and blowing up balloons
I should feel a tinge of nostalgic sadness at how quickly you are growing up
I should be decorating a big boys room for you
I should be stressing about how I am going to manage with two.

Was it only a year ago that you drove us crazy with your mooing, baaing, cockadoodle-dooing farmyard present from grandpa?
That you cruised around the garden in your nappy with your other buddies and happily splashed in water and sand?
I remember thinking that there would be another birthday party next year and I wondered if you it would be as easy and without any demands

But here we are now and the completely unthinkable has happened and you suddenly are no more
You will forever be 17 months and 29 days - you will not be two
Six months later and it still makes no sense at all.
We still ask ourselves in disbelief Why and How and How and Why

and yet the What without you is so unbelievably real.

My noonkie-noo, I miss you with all my heart and so much more. How I wish you were two.

(At his party last year - I'm not sure what is happening here, he seems to be rubbing sand into Ryan's hair)

My noonkie-noo, I miss you with all my heart and so much more. How I wish you were two.

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